J. Crew, you're doing it again.

"Unabashedly appropriate"? That's really in your ad copy? Unabashedly appropriate. I'd like to let the true sentiment of this product description shine through, if you'll indulge me.

The dress:

The description from J. Crew's website:

"Introducing our most luxurious wool gabardine—ever. With a finely twisted weave and a fluid, flowy drape, it's unabashedly appropriate all year-round, workday or weekend. Fitted bodice with inset waistband, pencil skirt. Scoopneck. Short sleeves. Back zip. Back vent. Fully lined in stretch fabric. Falls to knee.Import. Dry clean. Catalog/jcrew.com only."

The aspirations of J. Crew and its demographic:

"May I bring you a glass of chardonnay while you wait? Yes? Wonderful.

Please allow me to introduce you to a dress that, despite its judicious sale price (good for you! in these Tough Economic Times), will allow you to think of yourself as rich, but classy. Consider this dress a cloak of understated elegance, the kind exuded by women you secretly admire but, due to your mediocre genetic lineage, will never actually achieve.

It's clear to me that ever since you could drive yourself to the nearest mall, you've cultivated a fine taste for our company's rich fabrics and exclusive prints from the finest indeterminate Italian mills. As you know, we buy all of our inventory from very fancy, old European vendors, usually Italian, whose names we are not at liberty to reveal. I think your sense of touch will assure you better than I, a mere J. crew salesman, could--you have arrived.

Your oversized logo-print Coach bag says it all: You're a cultured, working woman, and you like to enjoy yourself. I understand your needs, and I assure you: This exquisite garment is unabashedly appropriate. You will never again have to wonder, "Am I the least threatening woman in this professional or social environment?" Darling, I have your answer and it's imported. It's dry clean-only. Go ahead and roll those words over your tongue again. You're tasting privelege.

Credit or debit? Lovely. No, thank you. You know what? You should treat yourself to that second Blue Moon at office happy hour in the strip mall next to the trendy Mexican restaurant. You deserve it."